


Breakfast of Champion

by bb-sock (saisei)



Category: Dragon Age II, ねこあつめ | Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Asexual Character, Baristas, Deliberate Badfic, Demisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Other, buns, cinnamon bun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6291106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saisei/pseuds/bb-sock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke has breakfast with her friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breakfast of Champion

At 7am in the morning, Marian Hawke burst into the cute coffee shop on the corner of Kirkwall and Starkhaven.

"Anders I need your coffee magic STAT" she called.

The blond demisexual behind the counter, still in his bathrobe, waved with the hand that wasn't tapping at his smartphone.

"Kitty Collector?" Hawke asked, helping herself to a nugful of the specialty thick brew, and sliding some change, a piece of coral, and what looked like a set of dew claws in Anders' direction. "Or should I say Pussy – "

"I'm inviting all my friends to join my terrorist cell," Anders interrupted. "Crush the oppressors who murdered the one true love of my life."

"Aw Blondie" said a vertically-challenged man in booth 4. "You gotta learn to relax."

"Varric!" Hawke cried, and slung herself into the seat across from him. "And Merrill the weird exchange student, and Fenris the traumatized ex-yakuza dude. Don't you all look celibate this morning!"

"That's not what your sister said last night," Fenris said under his breath, and then jumped as Varric subtly jabbed him with a fork.

Hawke narrowed her eyes at him. "Touch one hair on my adorable last surviving relative's nether bits, and me and my sweet patootie will seduce _your_ sister twice as hard."

"Hawke!" scolded a brown-haired reformed reprobate as he walked in the door. "That sounds neither safe, sane, nor consensual, and the Church would disapprove."

"Let me tell you about the Church," Anders ranted, his face growing red as he texted twice as fast.

"Oh please let's don't," Hawke's girlfriend purred as she swayed out of the back room with a tray of fresh-from-the-oven cinnamon buns. " _Good_ morning, snookums."

Hawke beamed. "Are you wearing pants under your apron?"

Isabela rolled her eyes. "I'm boycotting pants until you swap your fetish for torn trousers in for something less destructive. Like rope bondage, or edible body paint." 

"Not exactly incentive" Seb mused, tearing his gaze away from Isabela's thighs, and then tearing it away from her cleavage (because it was the kind of apron that had cleavage), and then gazing into Hawke's cheerfully murderous grin. "Can I have a bun, please?"

"Ooh" Merrill squeed. "Hot buns for me too!" She turned big mooching eyes on Varric. He sighed, and his chest hair rippled magnificently.

"Anything for you, Daisy." Varric waved at Anders. "Put the buns on my tab."

"We're a coffee house not a bar" Anders said, scowling as he changed his Facebook profile picture to one with better facial hair.

"You say the sweetest things" Hawke grinned. It was going to be a great day.

And then, with an earthshaking roar that had every head turning towards the coffee shop's picture window, the grand cathedral in the center of town blew up.

After a moment, every head turned back to stare at Anders accusingly.

Anders tapped his phone once more, and then looked up, his expression vacant. "I finally saved up enough to feed my cats sashimi," he said mournfully. "And Tubbs ate it all."

"Also, you started a war," stated Fenris dryly. "Can I get my buns to go?"


End file.
